The 520 Bridge does NOT want our money ... and is quite forceful about the situation.

So, for those not around here: the 520 Bridge has gone back to being a toll bridge. (Yes, I am old enough to remember when it was a toll bridge before.) They installed this spastic system, which cost five times more than what it would have cost to just photo and bill plates, called the Good-to-Go Pass. Basically you pay for and attach a transponder to your car which the system picks up as it takes a photo of your license plate to verify it's a car that the particular transponder should be associated with. It then pulls money out of an account which they require you keep a balance of 'something or other' in. If you don't have a transponder you get a bill sent to whoever has the registered license plate for more money ... or you can have a sticker on the license plate that costs a tiny less than the more but still more. That's right ... could have done away with the cost of the transponders and reading system and just gone with the photo's that they are taking anway.

OK sorry, off track. Anyhoo we purchased early because you could get a $10 credit. Then in June when it was supposed to go into effect ... it didn't. Same with July, August, and December 3rd. Finally they got it functioning on December 29th.

The $10 credit is only good until March.

I had a chance to go over 520 this past weekend. They closed the bridge. K had a chance to go over it today. The snow has caused an electrical short so they shut down the system.

Cosmic prevention. I'm tellin' you they don't want our moolah they just want their credit. Grrrrr

I don't know if second Fail is actually their fault. 1st Fail definately is.

So, Microsquish Holiday FAIL #1
The Bing Magical Holiday Calendar is an advent calendar website that is purportedly family friendly. It offers contests, coupons, music, videos, ads, and crafts.
It also offers Day 11.
Day 11 is a music video with faux felt stop action animals.
Half-way through the faux felt stop action animals engage in graphic faux felt stop action animal sex.
Really.
Who let that through the vetting process? I'm not even an underage child and I need to burn my eyes out after that one.
I have since stopped checking out the Bing Magical Animal Sex Promotion Calendar.

Holiday FAIL #2
This might not be their fault. This might be the EU's program name and not Microsquish's. Hopefully it's a bad translation.
The EU has this awesome program wherein they are using the EU's GPS system, Windows Embedded and Windows Azure technology to guide their salt spreading machines so that, rather than just dumping salt everywhere, it can detect where and how much salt is needed and control the output on the trucks. EXCELLENT.
The FAIL? The name. Golden Ice Project.
Seriously?

Please please please someone lay off the eggnog.

EDIT**
And it JUST KEEPS GOING
Microsquish Holiday FAIL #3 - The International Division:
Microsoft Korea is advertising Windows 7 PC's and peripherals as "Family IT". Directly invoking the family spirit with products and family oriented contests and giveaways in their advertisement is the family friendly teenager dressed in a slutty santa costume complete with bra straps showing. AWESOME! I'm certain it appeals to teenage boy and immature male members of the family ...

There are people, like me, whose blogs are generally ignorable. Look here, I’ve ignored it for the better part of a year. Then there are people I would love to read AND who have an ongoing ability to post regularly.

My Workmate is one of those. She hasn’t been here for long but in the time that I have gotten to observe her I have noticed an odd discrepancy with her alleged cooking ability and what arrives in her lunch.

She has informed us that her husband, a surgical medical student, ‘helps out’ by packing her lunch. It’s cute. He’s trying to help. She doesn’t want to discourage him. However, the lunches are … not really lunch.

They are boggling. This man, screams “I’m a bachelor college freshman!” He, noting what I have mentioned of him prior, is quite capable. But, like my friend Joel, appears to have a loose connection when it comes to common actions.

Lunch Highlights (as far as I’m concerned):

Two pieces of bread (not toast, not special bread, just normal sandwich bread) in a plastic sack and a dirty piece of Tupperware.

3 biscuits and 3 oreos.

A bag of gummy worms, 1 carrot, and a package of saltines that you get when you order soup at a restaurant. I think this is the closest he will ever be to providing anything close to a balanced meal.

A Tupperware of peas (uncooked).

A morning long discussion of my workmate asking him to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich NOT a jam on jam sandwich followed by a jam on jam sandwich and the declaration by him, “I thought you’d warm up to it.” She still has not warmed up to it.

Nut medley (a Tupperware of pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, cashews, and pistachios).

A request for him to “Please, pack her some leftover meatballs with my lunch.” Followed by 5 meatballs. Yes, he did follow that instruction but seriously.

I think she needs to bring her lunch to work, set it up on the table, photograph it, and give us a blog. By the way, the biscuits? Rock hard.

Pope Ben16 sent his first tweet today.

Ok, has that sunk in yet?

Papal tweets.
Seriously.

There is something so wrong about that. What's worse is he tweeted an ad for a website the Vatican just launched. They state he actually used a touchpad. I'm certain he didn't type the thing but he could have hit the send. Dude, a Papal Promo Tweet?

I wonder if God follows him

I made the power go out in our building by clicking on a button that looked like a lightswitch. You cannot tell me that was coincidence. It’s back on now.

I’ve been exhausted because I’ve been doing forced overtime since May. They fired our Media Archives Manager and needed to sop up some budget money with pay. Out of the 4 of us who work here one cannot do any overtime, one plays sick all of the time and is full time at 32 so she has to put in 8 hours plus in order to get the overtime pay, one is the manager and her paygrade tops her out and only being allowed to put in 5 extra hours a week. So it’s all up to me.

I’m not really complaining. I like the money. But I’m a bit tired of not being able to get any time to myself at home and any time to do anything that I would like to do.

SO, we hired a Media Archives Manager and he began last Thursday. Thursday was our blue badge manager’s birthday so it’s like she was given an employee for her birthday. On Friday one of our coworkers was gone. On Monday 2 of our coworkers was gone. So we had cake on Tuesday.
This was our cake-


We had given him full warning beforehand. And I mentioned I would have left his initial off of the badge if he had felt this was harassment :) However, I did color match his clothing that day (to the best of my ability).
Our blue badge manager was given the opportunity to chop his head off.


Evidently this was a voodoo cake. He was sick on Wednesday. He was sick today.
Guess who quit this afternoon.
That’s right I can control electricity and peoples minds.

So, I’m about to shove my size 8 down my throat again. Please, ignore this if you have a touchy sense of humor.

Last night we heard the Bin Laden news just after the pizza delivery guy arrived. HUZZAH we can celebrate, as any red-blooded American should celebrate the end of someone’s life, by stuffing our gobs with fatty pseudo foreign food.

As the 2 minute warnings continued we interjected with reasons for the “false 2-minute warnings”.
Obama was in his jammies.
Obama forgot to brush his teeth.
Michele is working on her 5th strapless evening gown for the occasion.
Sasha needs to be put back to bed.
Obama … really Mr. President they will see you walking down the hall. You need pants.
Mr. President, bunny slippers are not appropriate.

When the last “false 2-minute warning” had past we were ending our second piece of pizza. At last, we get to hear the official announcement. And what do we get?
A recap.
We got recapped by the President.
Worse than sports recaps, worse than a soap opera recap, we got a reality recap of the last 10 years. DUUUUUDE!

At this time we are both sans beverage and rather thirsty. I gesture open handed to the President and say, “Obama, c’mon, we could really use a commercial.”
I am magic.
Can you feel my powers of world control. No, that’s not your tummy growling from the mention of pizza and beverage … that’s MEEEEEEEE.
Our feed of NBC puts on a commercial. That’s right, a commercial. Now there is no sound, you can still hear Obama, but the visual is of a commercial. Obama’s words were coming out of Neil Patrick Harris. I bet he is overly thrilled today.
I’m certain someone has lost their job.

This morning we hear they have plopped Osama’s body in the briny drink. I think that’s kind of nice. I don’t think Muslim’s are all that into burials at sea but I do know they have a time limit from death to burial they like to keep to. I mean if you are going to shoot down some terrorist it is kind of sweet that you won’t let anybody mess with his body.
I’m certain Jerome Corsi (the freak birther idiot) is dancing the largest happy dance after getting the subject for his new book, “Where’s the Body: The Case that Osama Bin Laden is not Eligible for Water Burial”.

I am well aware that not many of the terrorist extremists out there know or even care about Bin Laden (and yes, I’m including those who rebel against the Thunderean Monomacy). I am happy to say they are not alone. The idiots in my neighborhood began their firework dispersal shortly after the speech ended. When some of our neighbors came home they joined in with the firework celebration. I went down to the curb to rescue the garbage can and one of them stumbled over to ask for a lighter. When I said I didn’t have one he asked if I knew why “we” (he used the royal “we”) were celebrating. Seriously. I said, “I believe they are prancing around because Osama Bin Laden was killed.” He answered, “Who?” Thank you, thank you for proving you are an ostrich. Please continue.

VENGEANCE IS OURS MY BRETHREN!
Ok, so the big news yesterday was the Lowes that saved all of their employees and customers by running to the back of the store to avoid a tornado that wiped out half the building.
I kept thinking - AWESOME the tornadoes have given up attacking trailer parks and are now hitting the sources of rebuilding. Take out the supplies then hit the populous. I could hear the tornado shouting his revolutionary propaganda slogans.

Hey, didn't you promise you'd finish that damn hand cannon?
Why yes, yes you nosy bastage you.
Ok so it has been sitting on my floor for ... what? a year? Untouched because I didn't want to glue on the last piece. That's right, one piece. I finally finished it so I can get it out of my way.
I still hate the big red button. I can't figure out a way to hide it in a fashion that I'd like, that will allow it to continue to function, and that will not fall or scrape off.
I came down to possibly gluing on a piece of lace but I can't find a small piece of lace with the color or design I want. So I think I'm giving up.
Here are some cruddy pictures. I did them before coffee this morning. I did not put the second light in it. I did not turn the light(s) on. I did not dust it. I did not put it in an attractive background. Tough ... never click before coffee.

Last night I ate Spite Bacon and it was Goooooooood!

So, I go to the grocery store for 4 very specific items. Mind you, I forgot one in the midst of the Avoidance Maze.

The Avoidance Maze you ask? It is the path one must take to avoid the idiot’s who stand around gawking, talking, and/or blocking the aisle ways.

I was rerouted completely around the store … twice.
When I reached the butchers counter I was the only one there. The “butcher” nicely said, “I’ll be right with you ma’am.” Yes he ma’am’d me. However, he was busy and made the effort to acknowledge me. Points.

Before he could get back to me about 30 annoying people descend upon us, shouting orders at the butcher. I can make one of three assumptions at this point:
1) These people are in some form of food race or competition in which they must have food now or be eliminated.
2) These people are all from France.
3) These people are extremely rude.
I’ll go with 3 since nobody was wearing aprons or team logos and nobody had an accent.

The butcher gains Points again by saying, “One moment, this lady was first.” Pointing to me, which is why he gets the Points.

I needed 1 chicken breast. Spite begins now.
I pointed to the exact chicken breast I wanted … which takes more time. He wraps it up. When he finally hands it to me, as the Rude Crew are beginning to push forward, he asks “Is there anything else you need.”

Oh. Oh yes.

“I would like 8 slices of bacon.”

Not a pound, not a measurement, 8 slices.

The groan was audible. He grabs for the bacon and as he is pulling it out I say, “Oh, the pepper bacon please.” Which means he has to put back the other bacon and reach all the way into the case to get the pepper bacon. The pepper bacon has been all folded in half. So he has to pull out an entire chunk of it, unfold it, count out 8 strips, and lay it evenly on the scale.

Now, I was going to wait until he asked me again, if there was anything else, and ask for 7 large shrimp of even size. Fortunately for my refrigerator I didn’t need to. He had difficulty wrapping the bacon and had to unbundle it, reprint the sticker, and re-wrap it. AWESOME.

Spite bacon … it’s whats for dinner.

I must take a moment to spout off about crap that nobody wants to hear.
Responsible media coverage.
What happened to it? I know there was some once upon a time. It’s way way way gone.
Well after it was announced that the waves leftover from the Tsunami in Japan would hit our shores with 1.7 to 3 FEET of horrendous force the media was still shouting panic.
Yes, you need to stay away from docked boats. You need to stay away from the water. You need to stay out of the water. But the media was still screaming “COMPLETE DEVASTATION EXPECTED ON THE WEST COAST”.
Do they not own a ruler? A yardstick?
My favorite coverage of the day came from Meredith Vierra on the Today Show.
As she is spreading hell and a hand basket panic she is interviewing area Sheriffs.
The Northern California Sheriff (can’t remember the place or name) was basically trying to calm her down. This is pre-landfall: She asks him, “So what is your job now.”
Truly I wanted him to answer: “Uh, protect and serve, um, leap tall buildings, go boldly forth where no man has gone before … serious woman, I’m the Sheriff. Job description hasn’t changed in the last day.”
She later interviews the Sheriff of South Bend Washington. South Bend. Now, for those of you unaware of where South Bend is, yes it is in a Tsunami bad-zone. However, it is a bit inland and protected by Willapa Bay. Unlike say … Long Beach or Ocean Park. She asks him how they are preparing.
I desperately wanted him to say: “Well, I’m at the local Elmer’s fueling up on a tasty happy stack with extra chocolate chips and Deputy Enis is down near the beach with the clam diggers awaiting the low tide.”
Now you might be slamming me for bitching about the tsunami threat. However, they had the final impact height of between 1.7 and 3 feet. Not the deep water height. Tsunami’s in deep water are barely noticeable at 3 foot heights. Those grow but that’s the deep water height not the landfall height. Landfall height of 10 feet for a regular tidal wave are considered high wave warnings. They happen regularly. Tsunami’s have a larger drag. That’s the danger for a 3’ wave. Not imminent destruction for the entire Western coastline.
I highly apologize to any individual from Japan who might have heard our embarrassing panic attack. At least I didn’t see a new graphic … MARCHTSUNAMISTATION 2011

Now on a similar note: Japan moved 13 feet closer to the USA. I do hope flight fares will be reduced. The spin of the earth increased 1.6 microseconds … this is why I am so tired … really couldn’t we have cancelled Daylight Savings Time Spring Forward this year. My microseconds are getting thrashed. Japan sunk 2 feet. Economically I can see this causing them even more problems than they are already experiencing. Inflation might increase but I’m hoping the dollar to yen will see a significant improvement. I will then be able to help Japan prosper by visiting Tokyo Disney Seas … several times.